好多年没有遇到的事情发生了，互惠生离开了寄宿家庭，毫无征兆地，跑路了。
挥挥手不带走一片云彩：互惠生轻轻地走了。 没有狗血的争执，互惠生走的时候蹑手蹑脚，甚至拍摄了自己打包的视频（事后发过来Vlog，自证走时没拿一针一线）。
然后发给了我们这么一条消息。（图 1）
这是一个能量不高的互惠生，虽然成年，但是没有正面拒绝的勇气！选择了逃离后拉黑。
作为一个互惠生从业者，我非常理解一个涉世未深的大学生，遇到不满意的家庭/环境/工作，很难做到理性表达和拒绝，惧怕可能的冲突从而选择逃避。毕竟我曾经也曾内向不擅长拒绝！回想我曾在高中宿舍里彻夜难眠，天知道我做了多少内心挣扎，鼓足勇气找老师换宿舍。
虽然这个互惠生留给了我们一个烂摊子，我倒是希望她在离开的时候没有太多心理压迫。其实，我大概猜到了她可能的离开，但没料到这么突然，我在想，如果有个体面的告别是不是更好？
写给互惠生：作为一个可信机构，我们永远鼓励互惠生于我们沟通想法与困惑。我们不扣留证件押金，我们希望彼此在人身自由的基础上，往着心灵自由的方向！（本来就有机会通过沟通解开心理的疙瘩，好言相送，彼此理解） （我们有篇文章会专门讲到互惠生到一个新的国家，会经历的心理周期：兴奋到失落到兴奋）
家庭妈妈是个明白人，高中就在国外家庭寄宿过两年，说自己可能一下子给互惠生安排的多了，“我一直问她时差调整过来没有，阿姨烧的饭菜怎么样？她的回答都是OK，OK！但我听到她和她妈妈视频都哭了！”“她可能确实也没出过门，小姑娘挺文静的，看得出来心理有想法！”“前一个互惠生自我适应能力很强，这次这个我大意了，一下子什么都派给她！”
我想到互惠生面试时自我介绍时说的：我的目标是创立自己的企业。 心气太高，对一个近乎白纸的学生真不知好不好。
以我的经验，大概有70%的互惠生可以顺利完成项目。我咨询过美国同行，虽然互惠生在全美熟练运作这么多年，售后比例也与我们相差无几。 是的，三个互惠生里面一般会有一个没有办法顺利完成项目。这还是我这个自认良心的从业者，加上对这些小幼苗们细心呵护的推算！ 我从来都是设想每个互惠生，每个寄宿家庭都尽量相处融洽的情况下。 如果你有在一间公司经历过人事变动，或者你家里雇过阿姨请辞。你就会知道，这是太正常不过了。
所以，一个好心的建议给到准备接纳互惠生的家庭：期待美好(✧∀✧)，但也要接受变动的可能发生。
Something that hasn’t happened in many years has occurred. The au pair left the host family and ran away without warning.
Leaving without taking a single cloud: The au pair left quietly.
There was no dramatic dispute. When the au pair left, she tiptoed away and even filmed a video of herself packing (later sent a vlog to prove that she didn’t take anything when she left).
Then she sent us such a message. (Figure 1)
This is an au pair with not much energy. Although an adult, she doesn’t have the courage to refuse directly! She chose to escape and then blocked us.
As an au pair practitioner, I fully understand an inexperienced college student. When encountering an unsatisfactory family/environment/job, it’s very difficult for them to express and refuse rationally. They are afraid of possible conflicts and thus choose to escape. After all, I was once introverted and not good at refusing! Looking back, I remember tossing and turning all night in my high school dormitory. God knows how much inner struggle I had before mustering up the courage to ask the teacher to change my dormitory.
Although this au pair has left us in a mess, I do hope she didn’t have too much psychological pressure when she left. In fact, I probably guessed her possible departure, but I didn’t expect it to be so sudden. I wonder if a decent farewell would be better?
To the au pair: As a reliable agency, we always encourage au pairs to communicate their thoughts and confusions with us. We don’t withhold deposit for documents. We hope that on the basis of personal freedom, we can move towards spiritual freedom! (Originally, there was an opportunity to untie the psychological knot through communication, send each other off with kind words and understand each other.)
(We have an article that will specifically talk about the psychological cycle that au pairs will experience when they go to a new country: excitement to disappointment to excitement.)
The host mom is a sensible person. She lived in a foreign host family for two years in high school. She said that she might have arranged too much for the au pair all at once. “I kept asking her if she had adjusted to the time difference and how the food cooked by auntie was. Her answers were all OK, OK! But I heard her crying when she video-called with her mom!” “She may really not have been out much. The little girl is very gentle and quiet. It can be seen that she has thoughts in her heart!” “The previous au pair had a strong self-adaptability. I was careless this time and gave her everything all at once!”
I thought of what the au pair said when introducing herself during the interview: My goal is to start my own business.
Having too high aspirations, I don’t know if it’s good or not for a student who is almost like a blank sheet.
Based on my experience, about 70% of au pairs can successfully complete the program. I consulted American counterparts. Although au pairs have been operating smoothly in the United States for so many years, the after-sales ratio is similar to ours.
Yes, generally, one out of every three au pairs will not be able to successfully complete the program. This is still my calculation as a practitioner with a conscience who takes good care of these little sprouts!
I always assume that every au pair and every host family can get along well.
If you have experienced personnel changes in a company or if you have hired a nanny at home who resigned. You will know that this is perfectly normal.
So, a kind suggestion for families preparing to accept au pairs: Expect the beautiful (✧∀✧), but also be prepared for the possibility of changes.
