Is it a very failed case if a family invites an au pair but not only fails to help the child but instead makes the child become more impatient?
Today I want to tell you a story about an Italian au pair.
Beatrice is an au pair candidate who seems perfect when you only look at her resume and video self-introduction. Blonde hair and blue eyes, combined with the outgoing and smiley personality of southern Italy. She is currently studying at the University of Paris and is fluent in Italian, French, and English at the C2 level. She has taken care of her two younger brothers since childhood. During the interview, she was also generous and poised. A colleague exaggeratedly said that she saw the shadow of Monica Bellucci.
B was matched to a family in Shenzhen. The father and mother of the family are both returnees who have achieved some success in starting businesses. Their 5-year-old daughter is proficient in playing musical instruments, chess, calligraphy, and painting. Everything seems perfect! Just like the au pair-family promotional pictures you can see. Everyone can be a model when singled out.
However, just a few days after the au pair arrived, the family couldn’t sit still. The child rejected B, shouting and screaming when seeing B and refusing to communicate with B. When B was at the dining table, the child refused to come to the table. The family was also very frustrated. We tried every means to mediate. B was also aggrieved and tried every way to please the child, crying and asking us what to do.
The family also said it was strange. Clearly, during the interview with the whole family, the child said that she super liked this sister and specially drew an album looking forward to the sister’s arrival. Why is it like this?
After two weeks of mediation, there was no progress. Judging from the description of the mother of the family, it felt that she couldn’t hold on either. Immediately, after confirming that there was no problem with the au pair, we processed a refund for the family in accordance with the contract and matched the au pair to a family in Guangzhou again. B later spent five pleasant months in Guangzhou.
For this matter, I specially invited a classmate of mine majoring in psychology to help us analyze it together with the family. Mainly, we hope to clarify the impact of this matter on the child and whether it will bring psychological shadows to her. During this period, we have been in contact with this Shenzhen family and even became good friends because of this matter. This incident also made us realize the power of psychology. Since then, many colleagues have started to read books on psychology.
In fact, children are sometimes even more sensative than adults. Sometimes an adult’s joke may bring harm or even disaster to a child, generating fear and a sense of insecurity. During the au pair interview, the child realizes that there will be an “older sister” or “older brother” and is very happy. But in fact, they don’t have such a life experience. Our traditional Chinese hospitality, especially when the au pair first arrives at the family, will take special care of this “outsider”. In the eyes of children, it may seem that the love that was previously placed on them 100% is “divided up”, so they will have their own thoughts and consciousness. Then they will have their own ways of handling things. For example, now we can see some children telling their parents not to have younger brothers or sisters.
Of course, this is very normal! From the perspective of minors, there is no right or wrong.
Perhaps it was because we lacked handling experience at that time and couldn’t help this family client of mine well. In the future, we will suggest that families communicate more with children. Let children know that when this foreign older brother or sister comes to the family, it is not to take away your love but to bring more love.
If communication becomes an obstacle, then love will also become blind. This is also the initial purpose of the au pair program. May there be more understanding between countries and no barriers between people.
