上周一个墨西哥Ka互惠生联系我，
说已经在中国的一个家庭待了两个月了，
她是自己DIY来华，家庭也是DIY，
按理说，双方动手能力都很强啊，
但是Ka跟我说她想请我们帮她搬出来，
How I can help you to move out?
Ka说最好见面聊，我想周三也要出街，
那就在人广附近约个咖啡好嘞~
Ka如约而至，寒暄一下，
她说经过这个春节的一些事情，
已经待不下去。
或者说，她这两个月几乎每天都在煎熬，
Why?
Ka说家妈可能情绪管理不是很好，
（配图1-2 AI生成插图
Picture1-2 AI-generated illustrations）
经常对孩子吼叫，而且经常就撂摊子，
Ka好心天天超时帮忙照看，
我笑着说，可能正常的吧确实有的家庭会这样，
“No！”Ka使劲摇头！
Ka说自己来了这么久，从来没有见过家庭爸爸，
所以不知道是不是单亲家庭
（这还隔着春节呢，家庭在匹配阶段撒谎？）
Ka说家庭妈妈一直在看心理医生，
家庭里面是妈妈和外婆一起带孩子
家庭妈妈会争执的时候打孩子和外婆
然后家庭妈妈自己去哭，有时候吃饭会直接把盘子扔墙上。
“I’m afraid she’ll hit me one day!”
Ka一边模仿手势一边说，
看得出来这个妈妈挺焦虑的，但我感觉Ka也挺焦虑。说话有时紧张感觉随时能哭出来。
（图片3-6 别的机构互惠生找我们倾诉
Pictures: Some of au pairs (other agency or self made match) complaints）
-巴拉巴拉，Ka一顿输出，看得出来说出来她心情好多了。
我问“你有钱买回国机票吗？Do you have money to buy your own flight home?”
Ka说她有，但是她不想离开中国，来了这儿都没学几句中文，
Ka想让我帮她匹配一个新的家庭。
“不行的，行有行规(each industry has rules)，
按照惯例我都不能见你(I should’ve not seen you in person)，
但你春节一直在我网站留言，想着我以前是个学生时在外无助，所以今天我们来喝咖啡。“
我告诉Ka，她现在非常紧张焦虑，辗转别的家庭不见得好，
最好的解决方案是先回到自己熟悉的环境，先回墨西哥的家再说。
我跟Ka说可以如实告诉家庭自己的感受，明确告知不想做了，自己买机票回国。
ka说她害怕，看得出来她很无助。
我想了下，说那你就跟家庭妈妈说，自己这次跨越半个地球出来太远了，自己很不习惯，很想家，想回去。
“她会懂的！等你回家了，休息休息，再看看还要不要来学中文。”
Ka很纠结，脸上有点失望，一直咬着嘴唇，若有所思，看得出来，她在蓄力，很努力准备怎么去跟家庭说。
–
回到家，晚上收到Ka的消息”（家庭的）妈妈同意了，她刚给我买了机票后天走，明天我们出去吃饭（送行）。L***，你就是我的天使，谢谢你！”
我心里笑了，就像看到年轻的时候的我，被人鼓励过一样！
我想Ka肯定会怀念这段在中国做互惠生的日子的。
Last week, a Mexican au pair named Ka reached out to me. She had been staying with a Chinese host family for two months. Both she and the family had arranged their au pair placements independently—no agency involved. You’d think both parties were resourceful, right? But Ka told me she wanted our help to move out.
“How can I help you move out?”
Ka insisted on meeting in person. Since I had errands downtown on Wednesday, we agreed to meet at a café near People’s Square.
Ka arrived on time. After some small talk, she explained that after incidents during the Spring Festival, she couldn’t stay any longer. In fact, she’d been miserable almost every day over those two months.
Why?
Ka said the host mom had poor emotional control—frequently yelling at the children, abandoning responsibilities mid-task. Ka had been working overtime daily to help, out of kindness. I gently remarked, “Maybe that’s just how some families are.”
“No!” Ka shook her head fiercely.
She revealed she’d never met the host dad. Was this a single-parent family? (And they’d hidden this during matching—over Spring Festival, no less?) The host mom was seeing a therapist, raising the kids with her own mother. During arguments, the mom would hit the children and the grandmother, then break down crying. Sometimes she’d even hurl plates at the wall.
“I’m afraid she’ll hit me one day!” Ka mimed the motions as she spoke.
The host mom clearly had severe anxiety, but Ka herself was equally distressed—voice trembling, on the verge of tears. After venting, she seemed lighter.
I asked, “Do you have money for a return flight?”
She did, but refused to leave China. “I’ve barely learned any Chinese yet.” Ka begged me to match her with a new family.
“It’s against industry norms. I shouldn’t even be meeting you. But you kept messaging through the holidays… I remembered feeling helpless abroad as a student, so here we are.”
I advised Ka that switching families wouldn’t ease her anxiety. The best solution was returning to her comfort zone—home in Mexico. She could honestly tell the family she wanted to quit and book her own flight.
Ka froze, paralyzed by fear.
“Then tell the host mom you’re homesick—that coming halfway across the world was too overwhelming. She’ll understand. Rest at home, then reconsider learning Chinese later.”
Ka hesitated, disappointment flashing across her face. She bit her lip, gathering courage to confront the family.
That night, a message arrived: “The mom agreed! She bought my ticket for the day after tomorrow. We’re having a farewell dinner tomorrow. L**, you’re my angel!”*
I smiled, reminded of my younger self receiving kindness from strangers.
One day, Ka will look back fondly on her au pair days in China—even the stormy ones.